If he’s not quite right, walk away
Two years ago Real Beauty website did a survey of teenage girls in the US, to find out how reading a fashion magazine affected them.About 75% of the girls felt “depressed, guilty and shameful” after spending just 3 minutes leafing through a magazine.
No surprise there, many of these mags are designed to make girls feel inadequate (so why do we read them?).
Findings like these prompted five young Catholic women in New York to take action. They realised that women in general were feeling less happy.
So they decided to develop a magazine that was ‘different’. And Verily launches this month.
It’s not religious, but is in keeping with the editors’ faith and its articles will “lift women up,” said culture editor Mary Rose Somarriba. “It will be like a real friend, a friend you can trust.”
The magazine and website, verilymag.com, will feature articles and blogs on fashion, beauty, culture, lifestyle and relationships.
-One piece on boyfriends, When To Walk Away, may interest some young women in Ireland.
It offers 3 tell-tale signs that “you and Mr. Not Quite Right are headed in different directions”, meaning that it may be time to walk away. Read on.
1. Different Expectations: Do you want to get married someday and he has no interest? Are you hungry for the relationship to finally become exclusive and he still wants to date around (code for keeping his options open in case someone better comes along)?
If your expectations about where the relationship is headed are widely different, then it’s time be honest with yourself. You deserve to be with someone who is excited about you in particular and who isn’t looking elsewhere.
2. Different values: Do you approach personal finance compatibly? Do you want children and he hates the idea of kids? Does family play a similar role in your lives? How about your views on faith?
These differences for couples are often major roadblocks down the road in a relationship, particularly disagreement on parenthood.
Certain differences between two people can help us to grow as individuals. But other differences most often will cause more damage than good, causing resentment, anger, and pain.
Consider what your core values are, those must-haves, and if they don’t match up as a couple, walk away. This isn’t to say he’s not a great guy, but perhaps he’s not the right guy for you.
3. Different Dreams: Are you being asked to compromise to a point that inhibits some of your personal dreams? Do you feel stifled but at the same time don’t have the energy to change?
We all have dreams, some of which involve other people, such as marriage and children, and others may be more individual such as a career.
The more serious your relationship becomes, the more that other person will be impacted by those dreams, however small.
It’s natural that you will have to compromise and adjust or even give up certain dreams for the good of the relationship.
But the right relationship is one where your dreams can coalesce and work in tandem, where each of you gladly sacrifices a little for the joy you gain from being together.
4. Breakups are a natural part of life. Be protective of your time and heart and don’t settle for a relationship that requires you to give up your values or your dreams.
The longer you stay in such a relationship, the more frustrated you can become. Don’t be afraid to take a hard, honest look, and if you’re not headed toward the same horizon, be strong enough to walk away and wait for a better fit.
Two paths - your decision
A few weeks ago Mitt Romney, Republican candidate for the US presidency last year, spoke at the graduation ceremony at Southern Virginia University. Most of the students there, like Romney, are Mormon.
What he said has shocked some people in the wider world, especially in the US media.
Seems he spent much of his speech telling the students that God isn’t impressed by wealth, and encouraging them to marry early and have large families.
“You only live one life,” he told them. “Don’t spend it in safe, shallow water. Launch into the deep. If you meet a person you love, get married. Have a quiver full of kids if you can.
“Give more to your occupation than is expected of you. Serve God by serving his children.” Plenty of food for discussion there.
Meanwhile, in England, poor Gemma Collins of The Only Way Is Essex, has published her autobiography, and there’s food for discussion there too.
The saleswoman, 32, reveals that in 2004, having cohabited with her City Banker boyfriend for five years, she “fell pregnant” – failed contraception.
“It should have been every girl’s dream come true – I had a nice house, a lovely boyfriend, everything was lovely,” she reflected.
But it wasn’t to be. “When I first said I’m pregnant, he seemed happy,” said Gemma. “Then I think it made him realise he didn’t want to be with me for the rest of my life.”
A nice time to discover you’re unloved after all.
ALIVE!