FAREWELL TO HIS MOTHER AND DEPARTURE FROM NAZARETH
I
see the interior of the house in Nazareth: a room which looks like a
dining lounge, where the members of the Family take their meals and rest
during the day. It is a very small room with a plain rectangular table
near a chest, which is set against one of the walls. The chest also
serves as a seat. Near the other walls there is a loom and a stool, and
there are two more stools with a kind of bookcase on top of which there
are oil lamps and other objects. A door is open onto the kitchen garden.
It must be almost evening, because only some faint sun-rays are visible
in the upper foliage of a tall tree, which is beginning to grow verdant
in its first leaves.
Jesus
is sitting at the table. He is eating, and Mary is serving Him, coming
and going from a little door, which leads into the room where there is a
fireplace, the light of which can be seen through the half-open door.
Two
or three times Jesus tells Mary to sit down… and to eat with Him. But
She does not want to, She shakes Her head, smiling sadly. After serving
some boiled vegetables as a first course, She brings in some roast fish
and then some rather soft cheese, like fresh cheese, round shaped, like
the stones which can be seen in the beds of torrents, and some small
dark olives. Some small, flat round loaves of bread - about the size of a
plate - are already on the table. The bread is rather dark brown as if
the bran had not been removed from the flour. Before Jesus there is an
amphora with water, and a goblet. He is eating in silence, looking at
His Mother sadly, but lovingly.
It
is very obvious that Mary is sad at heart. She comes and goes, purely
to occupy Herself. Although it is still daylight, She lights a lamp and
puts it near Jesus, and while stretching out Her arm doing so, She
subtly caresses Her Son's head. She then opens a nutbrown haversack,
which I think is made of pure hand-woven wool, and therefore
water-resistant, She searches inside it, goes out into the little
kitchen garden, walks to the far end, where there is a kind of
store-room. She comes out with some rather withered apples which have
certainly been preserved from the previous summer, and She puts them
into the haversack. She then takes a loaf of bread and a piece of cheese
and puts them also into the haversack, although Jesus remarks that He
does not want them, as there is already enough food in the satchel.
Mary
then comes once again near the table, at the shorter side, on Jesus'
left hand, and looks at Him eating. She looks at Him with love and
adoration. Her face is more pale than usual and
seems
aged by pain; Her eyes are ringed, and thus seem bigger, an indication
of tears already shed. They also seem clearer than normal, as if they
were washed by the tears welling up within, ready to stream down Her
face: two sorrowful tired eyes.
Jesus,
Who is eating slowly, evidently against His will, only to please His
Mother, and is more pensive than usual, lifts His head and looks at Her.
Their eyes meet, and He notices that Hers are full of tears, and lowers
His head to leave Her free to weep. He only takes Her slender hand
which She is resting on the edge of the table. He takes it in His own
left hand, lifts it to His cheek, rests His cheek on it and then rubs it
against His face to feel the caress of the poor trembling little hand,
which He kisses on its back with so much love and respect.
I
see Mary taking Her free hand, Her left one, to Her mouth, as if to
stifle a sob, and She then wipes with Her fingers a big tear, which has
fallen from Her eye and is streaming down Her face.
Jesus
resumes eating and Mary goes out quickly into the kitchen garden, where
it is now almost dark, and She disappears. Jesus leans His left elbow
on the table, rests His forehead on His hand, absorbed in thought. He
stops eating.
He
then listens and gets up. He also goes out into the kitchen garden, and
after looking around, He moves towards the right-hand side of the
house, and through an opening in the rocky wall, He goes into what I
recognise as the carpenter's workshop. It is now very tidy, without any
boards or shavings lying about, and also the fire is out. There is the
large working bench, all the tools are laid aside, and there is nothing
else.
Mary
is weeping, bent over the bench. She looks like a child. Her head is
resting on Her folded left arm and She is crying silently, but very
grievously. Jesus enters quietly and approaches Her so softly, that She
realises He is there, only when He lays His hand on Her lowered head,
calling Her « Mother! »: in His voice there is the sound of a gentle
loving reproach.
Mary
lifts Her head and looks at Jesus through a veil of tears, and with
both hands joined She leans on His right arm. Jesus wipes Her face with
the hem of His large sleeve and then He embraces Her, clasping Her to
His heart and kissing Her forehead. Jesus is majestic, He looks more
manly than ever, whilst Mary looks more like a little girl, except for
Her sorrow-stricken face.
« Come,
Mother » Jesus says to Her, and holding Her close to Himself with His
right arm, He walks into the kitchen garden, where they sit down on a
bench against the wall of the house. The kitchen garden is now silent
and dark, apart from the moonlight and the light coming from the house.
The night is serene.
Jesus is speaking to Mary. At first I do not understand the words which are just whispered, and Mary nods Her head in assent.
Then
I hear: « And get Your relatives to come. Don't stay here alone. I will
be happier, Mother, and You know how I need peace of mind to fulfill My
mission. You will not lack My love. I will come quite often and I will
inform You in case I cannot come home when I am back in Galilee. Then
You will come to Me, Mother. This hour was to come. It began when the
Angel appeared to You; it is now striking, and we must live it, Mother,
must we not? After we have overcome the trial, we shall have peace and
joy. First, we must cross this desert as our Ancestors did, before
entering the Promised Land. But the Lord God will help us as He helped
them. And He will grant us His help as a spiritual manna to nourish our
souls in the difficult moment of the trial. Let us say the Our Father
together… » Jesus and Mary stand up and they look up to Heaven: two
living victims shining in the darkness.
Jesus,
slowly but with a clear voice, says the Lord's Prayer, stressing the
words. He emphasizes the words: « Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done »
spacing the two sentences from the others. He prays with His arms
stretched out, not exactly crosswise, but as priests do when they say:
« The Lord be with your. » Mary's hands are joined.
They
then go back into the house, and Jesus, Whom I have never seen drink
wine, from out of an amphora on the bookcase, pours some white wine into
a goblet, and He puts it on the table. He then takes Mary by Her hand
and makes Her sit beside Him and drink some of the wine, into which He
dips a small slice of bread, which He gives Her to eat. His insistence
is such that Mary yields. Jesus drinks the remaining wine. He then
clasps His Mother to His side, and holds Her thus close to His heart.
Neither Jesus nor Mary was lying down as was customary in rich banquets
in those times, but they were sitting at the table as we do. They are
both silent, waiting. Mary caresses Jesus' right hand and His knees,
Jesus pats Mary's arm and Her head.
Then
Jesus rises, and so does Mary. They embrace and kiss each other very
fondly and repeatedly. They always seem to be on the point of separating
and parting, but each time Mary embraces Her Creature over and over
again. She is Our Lady, but She is still a mother, a mother who must
part from Her Son, and is fully aware of the final destination of His
departure. Do not tell me that Mary did not suffer! Before I had some
slight misgivings, now I do not believe it at all.
Jesus
takes His dark blue mantle, puts it on His shoulders, and Pulls the
hood on to His head. He arranges His haversack across His back, in order
to be free when walking. Mary helps Him, and She delays endlessly in
sorting His tunic, mantle and hood, caressing Him in the meantime.
Jesus goes towards the door, after making a sign of blessing in the room. Mary follows Him and at the open door they kiss each other once again.
The
road is silent and solitary, white in the moonlight. Jesus starts
walking away. He turns round twice to look at His Mother, Who is leaning
against the doorpost, paler than the moon's rays, Her eyes sparkling
with silent tears. Jesus moves farther and farther away along the narrow
white road. Mary is still weeping against the doorpost. Then Jesus
disappears round a bend of the road.
His
Evangelical journey, which will end on Golgotha, has just begun. Mary
goes into the house shedding tears and closes the door. She also has
started Her journey which will take Her to Golgotha. And for us…
Maria Valtorta 9th February 1944
Maria Valtorta 9th February 1944