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| Fr. Francis J. Hoffman, JCD is a priest of Opus Dei and Executive Director of Relevant Radio |
Question:
Years ago I had an affair and have since then confessed and am on a much better path. When I confessed, I had to say that one of my children is a result of the affair, and I needed to know if I had to tell my husband. The real father knows the child is his. The priest told me I did not have to tell my husband. I am feeling like I am living a lie. Was he correct in telling me this, or do I need to tell my husband, which, of course, will result in tragedy with my entire family.
Please help me be released from this load and help direct me in the path that Our Lord needs me to follow. I realize that not all questions sent to you will be published, but I am desperate for an answer. I hope you will respond. I fear to use my name and address.
Fr. Rocky: I doubt you are the first person who has faced this situation. First, congratulations for confessing your sin, turning your life around, and for not having an abortion.
It is never right to lie. But it is not always prudent to tell everything you know. You have to discern with the help of the Holy Spirit what is best for your family. The advice the priest gave you, in most cases, is sound. However, in some cases, when there is profound conflict and unhappiness in a family, the only way out is to tell the whole truth.
If you tell your husband about the affair, what will happen? Will that destroy your family? Will he leave you? Divorce you? Do you have any idea of the negative impact that will have on your children?
As for looking for relief from that “load” of remorse and guilt and shame you are carrying, give it to the Lord and keep giving it to Him. Perhaps the weight of that load is your cross to carry in life. If that’s the case, it could yet make you a saint.
