June 9, 1935. Pentecost.
435 As I was walking in the garden in the evening, I heard these words: By your entreaties, you and your companions shall obtain mercy for yourselves and for the world. I understood that I would not remain in the Congregation in which I am at the present time.95 I saw clearly that God‟s will regarding me was otherwise. But I kept making excuses before God, telling Him that I was unable to carry out this task. “Jesus, You know very well what I am” [I said], and I started enumerating my weaknesses to the Lord, hiding behind them so that He would agree that I was unable to carry out (181) His plans.
Then I heard these words: Do not fear; I Myself will make up for everything that is lacking in you. But these words penetrated me to my depths and made me even more aware of my misery, and I understood that the word of the Lord is living and that it penetrates to the very depths. I understood that God demands a more perfect way of life of me.
However, I kept using my incompetence as an excuse.
436 June 29, 1935.
When I talked to my spiritual director [Father Sopocko] about various things that the Lord was asking of me, I thought he would tell me that I was incapable of accomplishing all those things, and that the Lord Jesus did not use miserable souls like me for the works He wanted done. But I heard words [to the effect] that it was just such souls that God chooses most frequently to carry out His plans. This priest is surely guided by the Spirit of God; he has penetrated the secrets of my soul, the deepest secrets which were between me and God, about which I had not yet spoken to him, because I had not understood them myself, and the Lord had not clearly ordered me to tell him.
The secret is this: God demands that there be a congregation which will proclaim the mercy of God to the world and, by its prayers, obtain it for the world. When the priest asked me if I had not had any such inspirations, I replied that I had not had any clear orders; but at that instant a light penetrated my soul, and I understood that the Lord was speaking through him.
437 In vain had I defended myself by saying I had not received any clear orders, for at the end of our conversation I saw the Lord Jesus on the threshold, as He is represented in the image, and He said to me, I desire that there be such a Congregation.96 This lasted only a moment. Yet I did not tell him about it right away, as I was in a hurry to get back home, and I kept repeating to the Lord, “I am unable to carry out Your plans, O Lord!” But, strangely enough, Jesus paid no attention to my appeals, but gave me to see and understand how pleasing this work was to Him. He took no account of my weakness, but gave me to know how many difficulties I must overcome. And I, His poor creature, could say nothing but “I am incapable of it, O my God!”
435 As I was walking in the garden in the evening, I heard these words: By your entreaties, you and your companions shall obtain mercy for yourselves and for the world. I understood that I would not remain in the Congregation in which I am at the present time.95 I saw clearly that God‟s will regarding me was otherwise. But I kept making excuses before God, telling Him that I was unable to carry out this task. “Jesus, You know very well what I am” [I said], and I started enumerating my weaknesses to the Lord, hiding behind them so that He would agree that I was unable to carry out (181) His plans.
Then I heard these words: Do not fear; I Myself will make up for everything that is lacking in you. But these words penetrated me to my depths and made me even more aware of my misery, and I understood that the word of the Lord is living and that it penetrates to the very depths. I understood that God demands a more perfect way of life of me.
However, I kept using my incompetence as an excuse.
436 June 29, 1935.
When I talked to my spiritual director [Father Sopocko] about various things that the Lord was asking of me, I thought he would tell me that I was incapable of accomplishing all those things, and that the Lord Jesus did not use miserable souls like me for the works He wanted done. But I heard words [to the effect] that it was just such souls that God chooses most frequently to carry out His plans. This priest is surely guided by the Spirit of God; he has penetrated the secrets of my soul, the deepest secrets which were between me and God, about which I had not yet spoken to him, because I had not understood them myself, and the Lord had not clearly ordered me to tell him.
The secret is this: God demands that there be a congregation which will proclaim the mercy of God to the world and, by its prayers, obtain it for the world. When the priest asked me if I had not had any such inspirations, I replied that I had not had any clear orders; but at that instant a light penetrated my soul, and I understood that the Lord was speaking through him.
437 In vain had I defended myself by saying I had not received any clear orders, for at the end of our conversation I saw the Lord Jesus on the threshold, as He is represented in the image, and He said to me, I desire that there be such a Congregation.96 This lasted only a moment. Yet I did not tell him about it right away, as I was in a hurry to get back home, and I kept repeating to the Lord, “I am unable to carry out Your plans, O Lord!” But, strangely enough, Jesus paid no attention to my appeals, but gave me to see and understand how pleasing this work was to Him. He took no account of my weakness, but gave me to know how many difficulties I must overcome. And I, His poor creature, could say nothing but “I am incapable of it, O my God!”