Diagramming Dilemmas
The dilemma: I'm going to be married in June of next year in a very traditional church. While I and my bridesmaids will be modestly attired, my concern is for my guests. I'd like to place something in the invitations about proper dress in a church, but family members have felt that this may be too rude. I have several family members who have worn extremely revealing clothing at other family weddings and this will be a summer wedding!
The principle: Wedding invitations often indicate the guest attire that is expected (e.g., notations such as "black tie," "informal"). Reasonable people should not be surprised or upset to find information about expected attire for a wedding included in a wedding invitation.
A solution: I recommend inserting an enclosure with the invitations outlining the expected attire. If the church's pastor is willing, you can state that this is the church's expectation—which would allow you to be seen as a messenger bearing necessary information, instead of as someone setting policy with which others are expected to comply. Here's a sample of how you could word your enclosure (the pastor should review it first if you are putting "the blame" on the church):
The ceremony location is a traditional Catholic church. The church's dress guidelines specify that male guests should wear a suit and dress shoes. Female guests should wear a hat or other head covering, dress shoes, and dresses that cover the chest, back, elbows, and knees. Shawls may be worn to cover arms while in the church. We appreciate your understanding and consideration, and we look forward to your presence with us on our special day.