“Parents have the first responsibility” Christine Valentine-Owsik The Catholic Answer
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So many families are overwhelmed with stress, disappointment, trauma and doubt.
They are assaulted by divorce, unemployment and displacement, coupled with a pervasive identity crisis and seemingly fruitless search for meaning. Other issues include substance abuse, accelerating inclinations toward the occult and a variety of sexual addictions. Whether a symptom or a result of their unfulfilling lives, directionless young adults often subscribe to the trendy new faith: none.
Kids are caught in a perfect storm of physical, emotional and spiritual shipwreck. Unsurprisingly, U.S. suicide rates today, especially among teens and young adults, are at their highest in 30 years.
Conversely, over the past two decades, numerous studies have determined that those who pray regularly and practice their Christian faith are less stressed, healthier, happier, more financially stable, more compassionate and more optimistic than those who don’t. And these studies aren’t from Catholic think tanks, but rather from notable polling groups such as Pew Research and others.
So how can Catholic parents ensure their kids will end up in the latter category, especially during and after college, a time when many routinely abandon their faith? Teach them personally, from day one.
Giving kids the unblemished truth about Catholicism, at each stage of development, shapes their early understanding of God, affection for Him and conscience, and helps them develop a spiritual “eye.” Parents — beyond Catholic schools, CCD programs, books, apps, Church youth organizations, etc. — have the primary responsibility before God to ground their children in the faith. The Catechism of the Catholic Church says, “Parents have the first responsibility for the education of their children” (No. 2223) and “should begin in the child’s earliest years” (No. 2226).
Kids should understand why Catholicism is the true faith instituted by Christ, so they don’t fall prey to religious indifferentism, believing one Christian denomination is as good as another, or that counterfeit religions are OK. Only Catholicism has the True Presence of Christ in the holy Eucharist, and six additional sacraments given by Christ for salvation. It’s the only one with papal authority for teaching clarity, long-standing apostolic tradition and unchangeable doctrine.
When quandaries arise in their lives, kids need their parents’ clarification and added information on why the Church teaches what it does. They cherish and feel safeguarded by their parents’ direction.
Family Tradition
Parents must exemplify credible Catholic living — regular family Mass attendance and sacramental participation, adherence to Church teaching, daily individual and family prayer, support and involvement with their parish, and avoidance of scandalous or risqué behavior. Otherwise, attempts at instilling faith in their kids will fail. In their marriage vows, Catholics promise God they will raise children in the Faith — which includes baptizing them as infants and initiation (after the age of reason) in the Sacraments of Penance, Holy Eucharist and Confirmation — in addition to teaching them Catholic doctrine.
When faith practice is interwoven into kids’ lives just like other customs — favorite vacations, holiday get-togethers, leisure activities — it implants as a comforting seed in their soul and psyche. Then when they’re thrown into storms of confusion, those moral etchings rooted there make themselves felt perennially.
A well-formed conscience — when parents have cultivated it since childhood — can be a mighty compass. Without that bedrock of faith and knowing God’s expectations, kids succumb to slippery choices in a desire for popularity, comfort and love, and risk suffering deception, depression and loss.
Catholicism holds teachings not heard anywhere else. Understanding them can make all the difference. When our young ones comprehend the benefits of God’s laws and His inherent wisdom — despite societal pulls — they’ll hang tight.
Clean college living can manifest like this in a strong Catholic student: prioritizing of God and proper use of His Name; maintaining chastity appropriate to his/her state in life; disavowing contemporary thinking on abortion, contraception or tolerance of decadence; honoring parents and rightful authority; remaining true to school and work commitments; avoiding popular forms of “ghost hunting” and channeling of the occult; sidestepping temptations toward alcohol, drugs or crime; and evading occasions of immodesty, sensuality or sexual activity.
Kids with a solid Catholic core not only know the differences between right and wrong in many hard-to-discern scenarios, but have a sobriety and closeness with God — and the tranquility that accompanies it — that they won’t readily trade. Such a state of grace and moral integrity cannot be handed over at the eleventh hour — like keys to a new car. It must be an enduring part of them.
Do Catholic-faith attributes make a kid popular? Not typically. Parents have to examine their own motives here: Is their child’s spiritual well-being a priority, or is it rather adulation (which the parents might enjoy) around campus or at their summer home?
Again, the Catechism sets it straight: “Showing themselves obedient to the will of the Father in heaven, parents must educate their children to fulfill God’s law” (No. 2222). Fulfilling God’s law should be foremost, and parents are held accountable for how they impart it.
Dare to Discipline
A kid who has it stands out. There’s no mistaking a young adult exuding humility, modesty, temperance, acceptance of criticism and a healthy work ethic. Sometimes that kid will beat out another from a loftier school for the same job — his character is simply more impressive.
“Allowing kids to grow up in idleness or immorality or in wasting inordinate time with TV, internet, cell phones, or with friends makes them lazy and irresponsible,” says Father Chad Ripperger, Ph.D., a theologian, psychologist and exorcist in the Diocese of Tulsa, in a recent lecture on Catholic parenting mistakes. “Not only should kids be made accountable for their errors and behavior, they should have ongoing commitments in the form of chores or work. Failure of parents to make them answerable and productive when they’re young will yield the 35- or 40-year-old who still lives at home, doing the same thing — nothing.”
Kids need an exacting sense of sin, knowing their true place before God and self-imposed boundaries in their lives, Father Ripperger says. They should know that demonic influences gain entree to people through prevalent mortal sins — such as alcohol and drugs, illicit sexual stimuli and behavior, dabbling in the occult, pornography and suggestive entertainment, and corrupt music and shows involving the diabolic and paranormal. The demonic aren’t entities to poke, he says — they dissipate people’s lives.
The Old Testament lays out a few basics for successful parenting and discipline.
Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way that he should go, / and when he is old he will not depart from it” (RSV). Simply put, teach him faith and character basics when he’s young and he’ll be loyal to them for life. Proverbs also says, “Discipline your son and he will give you rest; / he will give delight to your heart” (29:17, RSV). And the Book of Sirach advises: “He who disciplines his son will profit by him…. / He who teaches his son will make his enemies envious. / He who spoils his son will bind up his wounds / and his feelings will be troubled at every cry … / a son unrestrained turns out to be willful. / Discipline your son and take pains with him, that you may not be offended by his shamelessness” (30:2-3,7-8,13, RSV).
Effective discipline has another benefit: the youngster will be accustomed to boundaries on his wants and desires and be in the habit of exercising self-restraint over negative influences. This is a life-skill crucial for success in every personal, professional and social setting.
When they have reached the age for college, choose a school with a Catholic support system. Even if a secular college is home to your child, ensure there’s a good Catholic center that offers Mass and the sacraments, and, ideally, other Catholic group activity.
This helps kids continue in the communal life of the Church while they’re away. In addition to Mass, other faith activities could provide a vital stability to them, bridging faith traditions from home.
Engender Confidence in Prayer
Parents should also teach their children how to pray to develop a closeness with God, through the four forms of prayer (praise, petition, intercession and thanksgiving), and to dedicate daily time for it.
With an understanding of the Mass as the greatest Catholic prayer, and the holy Eucharist as the source and summit of divine grace in the Church, kids will be fortified by God for the adjustments and stresses of college. Include a Catholic Bible, Daily Missal, Catechism of the Catholic Church, and Basic Guide to Conscience as campus-living supplies, which they can refer to. Once in the habit of revering and leaning on God — coming to Him as a friend, confidant and protector — kids will revert to this lifeline, not settling for substitutes.
“I’ve always found that a kid with a solid prayer life — which usually includes Mass attendance and frequenting the sacraments — won’t leave the Catholic faith,” says Father Kyle Walterscheid, former director of vocations in the Diocese of Fort Worth and current pastor of St. John Paul II University Parish in Denton, Texas, serving Catholic students from the University of North Texas and Texas Woman’s University.
Just like their propensity to investigate academic questions that seem confounding, college kids constantly question Church teaching.
“I hear and see everything under the sun,” Father Walterscheid said, but he patiently counsels: hear confessions, offer Mass, and point them to the Church’s positions in Scripture, apostolic tradition and the Catechism. “This is what a good Catholic center does. We answer their questions, assuage their doubts and help them mature in their faith.”
Christine Valentine-Owsik is president of Valentine Communications in Doylestown, Pennslyvania. She serves as publicist for Our Sunday Visitor and contributes to Catholic magazines.