September 2, 1906
Luisa wants to do the accounts with Jesus. Jesus wants her to have no thought about herself.
This morning, having to receive Communion, I was prepared to make a day of retreat – that is, to prepare myself
for death. And after I received Communion, I said to blessed Jesus: ‘Let us do the accounts now, so as not to leave them
for the last extreme of my life. I myself don’t know how I am; I make no reflection over myself, and by not reflecting on
it, I do not perceive myself, and so I feel neither fears, nor scruples, nor agitations, while I see that others, who are far
more good than I am - and even the very lives of the Saints which I read - they all reflect upon themselves: whether they
are cold or warm, whether tempted or calm, whether they confess well or badly; and almost all of them are shy, agitated
and scrupulous. All my attention, instead, is on wanting You, on loving You, and on not offending You. As for the rest, I
take nothing into account; it seems I have no time to think of anything else, and if I engage in doing it, an interior voice
shakes me, scolds me, and says: "Do you want to waste time? Think of doing your things with God." Therefore, I myself
do not know the state in which I am – whether I am cold, dry, or warm. And if anyone wanted an account of it, I certainly
would not be able to do it. I think I did it wrong. So, let us do the accounts now, that I may remedy it.’
And after I prayed Him over and over again, He said to me: "My daughter, I keep you always on my knees, and so
tightly as to give you no time to think about yourself. I hold you like a father holds his little child on his knees: he gives
him now a kiss, now a caress; now he feeds him with his own hands, and now, if inadvertently the little child gets dirty,
the father himself takes care of cleaning him.
Now, if the father shows himself afflicted, the little one consoles him and dries his tears; if he shows himself
irritated, the little one calms him. In sum, the father is the life of the little one and does not let him have the slightest
thought about himself – whether he needs to eat, whether he gets dirty, whether he needs to clothe himself, and not even
whether he needs to sleep, because, forming a cradle with his arms, he rocks him to make him fall asleep, and lets him
sleep on his own lap.
And the little one is all the relief and the life of the father, while the other grown-up children take
care of reordering the house, of cleaning themselves by themselves, and of all the other affairs. So I do with you: I keep
you on my knees like a little daughter, and so intimately united with Me as to not let you feel yourself. I think and take
care of all of you – cleaning you if you are stained, feeding you if you need food; in sum, I anticipate you in everything, in
such a way that you yourself do not perceive your needs. And by holding you intimately tight to Me, it is a grace that I
give you, because you escape many, many defects, while if you had the thought of yourself – oh, into how many defects
you would fall! Therefore, think of doing your office of little daughter toward Me, and have no thought for anything else."