"Whoever loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and whoever loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me," we read in the Gospel of the Mass$^1$. When we freely decide to follow the Lord completely, we understand that other plans must give way: father, mother, boyfriend, girlfriend...
God's calling comes first; everything else must take second place.The words of Jesus do not imply any opposition between the first and the fourth commandment, but they point out the order that must be followed. We must love God with all our strength through the specific vocation we have received; and we must also love and respect—both in theory and in practice—the parents God has given us, to whom we owe such a great debt. However, love for parents cannot be put before love for God. Ordinarily, there is no reason for an opposition between the two to arise, but if it ever does, we must remember those words of the adolescent Christ in the Temple of Jerusalem: “Why were you looking for me? Did you not know that I must be about my Father’s business?”2
This was Jesus' response to Mary and Joseph, who were looking for Him in anxiety, and it constitutes a lesson for both children and parents: for children, to learn that family affection cannot be put before the love of God, especially when the Lord asks for a following that entails total self-giving; for parents, to know that their children belong to God above all, and that He has the right to dispose of them, even if on some occasions this implies a great sacrifice for the parents$^3$.It would be a sad decision that led someone to ignore God so as not to displease their parents, and a sadder consolation would be that of the parents, for, as Saint Bernard says, "their consolation is the death of the child"4. They could hardly have caused him greater harm.The Lord can only be followed with the freedom born from the fullest detachment: freedom of heart, which does not get caught up in melancholy and longing, or in weak sentiments that lead to a half-hearted commitment; freedom also that brings the necessary autonomy to fulfill the will of God.
Nothing is gained with a half-hearted decision, with a divided heart. It may happen in some cases that the decision to follow the Lord completely is not understood by one's own relatives: because they do not understand it, because they had forged other, legitimate plans, or because they do not want to participate in the renunciation that falls to them. We must count on this, and, even if following Christ causes pain to parents, we must then understand that fidelity to one's own vocation is the greatest good for us and for the entire family. In all circumstances, while remaining very firm on our own path, we must love our parents much more than before the call; we must pray a great deal for them, so that they understand that:"It is not a sacrifice for parents when God asks for their children; nor is it a sacrifice for those whom the Lord calls to follow Him.
On the contrary, it is an immense honor, a great and holy pride, a sign of predilection, a very special affection that God has manifested at a specific moment, but which was in His mind from all eternity."5It is the greatest honor the Lord can bestow upon a family, one of the greatest blessings.
HCD