Thirty Day Penance
I believe the sacrament of reconciliation is the perfect way to obtain freedom from the state of sin and to become one with God. How for- tunate for me that my first experiences of confession were positive and made me feel good. I knew from early on that going to confession was an uplifting sacrament, and knowing this helped me through an especially challenging time in my life.
As an adult, I experienced some very sinful emotions that changed my life and spirituality for a while. Before that point, I never would have dreamed that I could become so enraged about something that it would take over my life and emotions.
It all started when my ex-daughter-in-law was in our family and her behavior and actions infuriated me. My first response was to act with the three sins of anger: revenge, retaliation, and resentment. Morally I knew these thoughts and actions were wrong, but nevertheless, anger was a constant companion of mine. I tried very hard to turn things around and did all I could to make the situation better, but my efforts proved futile.
I knew I had to confess all that I was doing wrong. I was so torn from the griping emotions of guilt, fear, and anger that I could not think of a better way to find peace than through the sacrament of reconciliation. From my childhood experiences, I knew confession would help make me feel better and that I would be in a better state of grace afterwards.
The wonderful priest who heard my confession sensed the fear in my voice and helped calm me. Then, after I got through my list of sins, he wisely knew exactly how to help me return to a state of peace.
As I waited for my penance, I imagined that I would probably have to say several Hail Mary’s, or maybe even the rosary. I said, “So, what do I have to do, say the rosary for my penance?” His answer was not what I expected. It was not even close.
I believe the sacrament of reconciliation is the perfect way to obtain freedom from the state of sin and to become one with God. How for- tunate for me that my first experiences of confession were positive and made me feel good. I knew from early on that going to confession was an uplifting sacrament, and knowing this helped me through an especially challenging time in my life.
As an adult, I experienced some very sinful emotions that changed my life and spirituality for a while. Before that point, I never would have dreamed that I could become so enraged about something that it would take over my life and emotions.
It all started when my ex-daughter-in-law was in our family and her behavior and actions infuriated me. My first response was to act with the three sins of anger: revenge, retaliation, and resentment. Morally I knew these thoughts and actions were wrong, but nevertheless, anger was a constant companion of mine. I tried very hard to turn things around and did all I could to make the situation better, but my efforts proved futile.
I knew I had to confess all that I was doing wrong. I was so torn from the griping emotions of guilt, fear, and anger that I could not think of a better way to find peace than through the sacrament of reconciliation. From my childhood experiences, I knew confession would help make me feel better and that I would be in a better state of grace afterwards.
The wonderful priest who heard my confession sensed the fear in my voice and helped calm me. Then, after I got through my list of sins, he wisely knew exactly how to help me return to a state of peace.
As I waited for my penance, I imagined that I would probably have to say several Hail Mary’s, or maybe even the rosary. I said, “So, what do I have to do, say the rosary for my penance?” His answer was not what I expected. It was not even close.
The priest said I had to pray for thirty days for my ex-daughter-in-law.
My response was, “I can’t do that.” He replied, “Oh, but you will.”
“But when I pray it won’t mean anything because it won’t be sincere.” I told him.
“You will pray for her every time you pray for yourself and your family. At first it will not mean anything to you, it will be just a formal- ity. Eventually you will find that you will truly mean it and want peace for her,” he said.
I still had my doubts but I did pray my penance every day. It was the most difficult prayer I ever had to do. At first, praying for her was meaningless. Then, about two and a half weeks into this penance, I began to express meaning in my prayers.
To my complete surprise, I actually began to truly want my ex-daugh- ter-in-law to find peace in her life. I wanted her to be rid of her anger and control. I wanted her to find the God of her understanding, to have God shine in her heart and soul. It was a unique and great experience to sincerely love her without anger.
Lucy O. Scholerman Bay City, Oregon
“But when I pray it won’t mean anything because it won’t be sincere.” I told him.
“You will pray for her every time you pray for yourself and your family. At first it will not mean anything to you, it will be just a formal- ity. Eventually you will find that you will truly mean it and want peace for her,” he said.
I still had my doubts but I did pray my penance every day. It was the most difficult prayer I ever had to do. At first, praying for her was meaningless. Then, about two and a half weeks into this penance, I began to express meaning in my prayers.
To my complete surprise, I actually began to truly want my ex-daugh- ter-in-law to find peace in her life. I wanted her to be rid of her anger and control. I wanted her to find the God of her understanding, to have God shine in her heart and soul. It was a unique and great experience to sincerely love her without anger.
Lucy O. Scholerman Bay City, Oregon