55. Thomas Becomes a Disciple.
27th October 1944.
This morning, as I recovered my senses after a very heavy torpor which had
lasted many hours, while I was praying awaiting daylight, I saw the resumption
of the vision.
I say resumption because we are still in the same place: the low, wide kitchen,
with its dark, smoky walls, dimly lit up by the small flame of an oil lamp on the
rustic table. It is a long narrow table at which eight people are sitting: Jesus and
His six disciples, and the landlord, four each side.
Jesus, sitting on a stool – the only seats here are three-legged stools, real country
furniture – is still turned round speaking to Thomas. Jesus' hand has fallen from
Thomas' head on to his shoulder. Jesus says: « Stand up, My friend. Have you
had any supper yet? »
« No, Master. I walked a few yards with the other fellow who was with me, then
I left him and I came back saying that I wanted to speak to the healed leper… I
said that because I thought he would disdain approaching an impure man. I
guessed right. But I wanted to see You, not the leper… I wanted to say to You:
“Please take me”… I wandered up and down the olive-grove until a young man
asked me what I was doing. He must have thought I was ill-disposed. He was
near a pillar, at the boundary of the olive-grove. »
The landlord smiles. « It's my son » he explains and adds: « He is on guard at
the oil-mill. In the caves under the mill, we still have almost all the crop of the
year. It was a very good one and we made a lot of oil. And when there are large
crowds about, robbers always get together to plunder unguarded places. Eight
years ago, just at Parasceve, they robbed us of everything. Since then we keep a
good watch one night each. His mother has gone to take him his supper. »
« Well, he asked me: “What do you want?”, and he spoke in such a tone that to
save my back from his stick, I answered at once: “I am looking for the Master
Who lives here”. He then replied: “If what you say is true, come to the house”.
And he brought me here. It was he who knocked at the door and he did not go
away until he heard my first words. »
« Do you live far away? »
« I live on the other side of the town, near the Eastern Gate. »
« Are you alone? »
« I was with some relatives. But they have gone to stay with other relatives on
the road to Bethlehem. I remained here to look for You day and-night, until I
found You. » Jesus smiles and says: « So no one is waiting for you? »
« No, Master. »
« It is a long way, it is a dark night, the Roman patrols are about the town. I say:
stay with us, if you wish. »
« Oh! Master! » Thomas is happy.
« Make room for him. And each of us will give something to our brother. »
Jesus gives him the portion of cheese He had in front of Him. He explains to
Thomas: « We are poor and our supper is almost over. But there is so much
heart in who offers. » And He says to John who is sitting beside Him: « Give
your seat to our friend. »
John gets up at once and sits down at the end of the table near the landlord.
« Sit down, Thomas, and eat. » And then He says to them all: « You will always
behave like that, My friends, according to the law of charity. A pilgrim is
already protected by the law of God. But now, in My name, you must love him
even more. When anyone asks you for some bread, a drop of water or a shelter
in the name of God, you must give it in the same name. And you will receive
your reward from God. You must behave so with everybody. Even with your
enemies. And that is the new Law. Up till now you were told: “Love those who
love you and hate your enemies.” I say: “Love also those who hate you.” Oh! if
you only knew how much you will be loved by God, if you love as I am telling
you! And when anyone says: “I want to be your companion in serving the true
Lord God and following His Lamb”, then he must be dearer to you than a
brother by blood, because you will be joined by an eternal bond: the bond of
Christ. »
« But if someone comes who is not sincere? It is easy to say: “I want to do this
or that.” But words do not always correspond to the truth » says Peter, rather
irritated. I do not know why, but he is not in his usual jovial mood.
« Peter, listen. What you say is sensible and fair. But, see: it is better to exceed
in bounty and trust rather than exceed in distrust and hardness. If you help an
55. Thomas Becomes a Disciple. 173
undeserving person, what harm will befall you? None. Nay, God's reward will
always be active for you, whereas the person will be guilty of betraying your
trust. »
« No harm? Eh! Very often a worthless person is not satisfied with ingratitude,
but goes much further, even to the extreme of ruining one's reputation, wealth
and one's very life. »
« True. But would that diminish your merit? No, it would not. Even if the whole
world should believe slander, even if you became poorer than Job, even if the
cruel person should take your life, what would change in the eyes of God?
Nothing. Nay, something would change. But to your advantage. God, to the
merits of your bounty, would add the merits of your intellectual, financial,
physical martyrdom. »
« All right! Perhaps it is so. » Peter does not speak any more. He sulkily rests his
head on his hand. Jesus addresses Thomas: « My friend, before, in the olive-
grove I said to you: “When I come back here, if you are still willing, you will be
one of My disciples.” Now I say to you: “Are you willing to do Jesus a favor?”»
« Most certainly. »
« And if this favor should cost you some sacrifice? »
« There is no sacrifice in serving You. What is it You want? »
« I wanted to say… but you may have some business, some affections…»
« None, none! I have You! Tell me. »
« Listen. Tomorrow at daybreak the leper will leave the sepulchers to find
someone who will inform the priest. You will be the first to go to the sepulchers.
It is charity. And you will shout: “Come out, you, the one who was cleansed
yesterday. I have been sent by Jesus of Nazareth, the Messiah of Israel, He who
cleansed you.” Let the world of the “living dead” know My name, let them throb
with hope, and let those come to Me, who will have faith in addition to hope,
that I may heal them. It is the first form of purity that I am bringing, the first
form of the resurrection, of which I am the lord. One day I will grant a greater
purity… One day the sealed tombs will violently expel those who are really
dead, and they will appear and laugh with their empty eye sockets, with their
bare jaws, because of the rejoicing of the souls freed from Limbo, a remote
rejoicing and yet perceived even by skeletons. They will appear to laugh
because of this liberation and to throb knowing it is due to… Go! He will come
to you. You will do what he asks you to do. You will assist him in everything, as
if he were your brother. And you will also say to him: “When you are
completely purified, we will go together along the road of the river, beyond
Doco and Ephraim. Jesus, the Master, will be waiting for us to tell us in what we
have to serve him.” »
« I will do that. And what about the other one? »
« Who? The Iscariot? »
« Yes, Master. »
« The advice I gave him still stands. Let him decide by himself and let him take
a long time. Nay, avoid seeing him. I will be with the leper. Only lepers wander
about in the valley of the sepulchers and those who pitifully are in touch with
them. »
Peter mumbles something. Jesus hears him. « What is the matter with you,
Peter? You either grumble or are silent. You seem to be discontented. Why? »
« I am discontented. We were the first and You did not work a miracle for us.
We were the first and You let a stranger sit beside You. We were the first and
You entrust him, not us, with a task. We were the first and… yet, yes, we seem
to be the last ones. Why are You going to wait for them on the road near the
river? Certainly to entrust them with some mission. Why them, and not us? »
Jesus looks at him. He is not angry. On the contrary He smiles as one smiles at a
child. He gets up, goes slowly over to Peter and, smiling, says to him: « Peter!
Peter! You are a big, old baby! » And He says to Andrew, who is sitting beside
his brother: « Go and take My seat » and He sits beside Peter, clasping his
shoulders with His arm, and He speaks to him, holding him thus against His
own shoulder: « Peter, you think I am being unfair, but I am not. On the contrary
it is a proof that I know what you are worth. Look. Who needs proofs? He who
is not yet certain. I knew you were so certain about Me, that I did not feel any
need to give you evidence of My power. Proofs are required here in Jerusalem,
where vices, irreligiousness, politics and many worldly things dim souls to such
an extent that they can no longer see the Light passing by. But up there, on our
beautiful lake, so clear under a clear sky, amongst honest and good willing
people, no proof is required. You will have miracles. I will pour torrents of
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graces upon you. But consider how I valued you, I took you without exacting
any proof and without finding it necessary to give you any, because I know who
you are. You are dear to Me, so dear, and so faithful. »
Peter cheers up: « Forgive me, Jesus. »
« Yes, I forgive you because your sulkiness is a sign of love. But do not be
envious any more, Simon of Jonas. Do you know what the heart of your Jesus
is? Have you ever seen the sea, the real sea? You have? Well, My heart is bigger
than the immense sea! And there is room for everybody. For the whole of man-
kind. And the smallest person has a place exactly as the greatest. And a sinner
finds love just like an innocent. I am entrusting these with a mission. Certainly.
Do you want to forbid Me? I chose you. You did not choose yourselves. I am
therefore free to decide how I want to employ you. And if I leave them here with
a mission – which might well be a test, as the lapse of time granted to the
Iscariot may be due to mercy – can you reproach Me? How do you know that I
am not keeping a greater mission for you? And is not the nicest mission to be
told: “You will come with me”? »
« It is true. I am a blockhead! Forgive me… »
« Yes. I forgive everything. Oh! Peter!… But I beg you all never to discuss
merits and positions. I could have been born a king. I was born poor, in a stable.
I could have been rich. I lived with My work and now I live out of charity. And
yet, believe Me, My friends, there is no one greater than I in the eyes of God.
Greater than I am, Who am here: the servant of man. »
« You a servant? Never! »
« Why not, Peter? »
« Because I will serve You. »
« Even if You served Me as a mother serves her child, I have come to serve
man. I will be a Savior for him. What service is there like that? »
« Oh! Master! You explain everything. And what seemed dark becomes clear at
once! »
« Are you happy now, Peter? Now let Me finish talking to Thomas. Are you
sure you will recognize the leper? He is the only one healed; but he may already
have left by starlight, to find an early wayfarer. And someone, anxious to enter
the town and see his relatives, might perhaps take his place. Listen to his des-
cription. I was near him and I saw him well in the twilight. He is tall and thin.
Of a dark complexion, like a cross-breed, very deep and dark eyes with snow-
white eyebrows, hair as white as linen and somewhat curly, and a long snubbed
nose like the Lybians', two thick protruding lips particularly the lower one. He is
so olive-colored that his lips verge on violet. He has an old scar on his forehead
and it will be the only stain, now that he has been cleaned from scabs and dirt. »
« He must be old, if he is all white. »
« No, Philip, he looks old, but he is not. Leprosy made him white. »
« What is he? A cross-breed? »
« Perhaps, Peter. He resembles African people. »
« Will he be an Israelite, then? »
« We will find out. But suppose he is not? »
« Eh! If he were not, he would go away. He is already lucky that he deserved to
be healed. »
« No, Peter. Even if he is an idolater, I will not send him away. Jesus has come
for everybody. And I solemnly tell you that people living in darkness will
overcome the children of the people of Light… »
Jesus sighs. He then stands up. He thanks the Father with a hymn and blesses
everyone.
The vision ends thus.
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I point out incidentally that my internal adviser said to me, since yesterday
evening when I saw the leper: « It is Simon, the apostle. You will see him and
Thaddeus coming to the Master. » This morning, after Holy Communion (today
is Friday) I opened my missal and I saw that this is the eve of the feast of Saints
Simon and Judas, and tomorrow's Gospel deals with charity, almost repeating
the very words I heard before the vision. However, I have not seen Judas
Thaddeus so far.