In the Forties the mother superior invited me to give a speech for 150 nuns from several parts of the country. The Order was undergoing a strong vocational crisis and several nuns wanted to go out to marry. I was paralyzed with fear, and said to her:
- Mother, please, do not force me to do this. How can I, without any education, address these nuns, many of whom have diplomas and are teachers? I have never spoken in public, and my nerves would prevent me from pronouncing a single word.
But my excuses did not do any good, and the mother superior ordered me in obedience to give the speech. I could not insist any longer, I only requested a little time to consult with the Lord.
Thus, I said to Jesus that I was nothing, only a poor nun, and that I could not fulfill the obedience, if He did not fortify me with His grace. Then I heard the comforting voice of Jesus:
- Do not be afraid, you are not going to speak, but I will speak for you to the Sisters, you will only be my instrument. I need someone to give me their heart and soul.
The words of Jesus were very consoling and beautiful, but I continued to be frightened and I said to him that I would have preferred to do any other work, even the lowest, rather than to give a speech. Then I heard the voice of Jesus again:
- I already said to you: Do not be afraid! I will speak! Tell mother superior that you are ready to give the speech.
I completely abandoned myself to Jesus and I arrived promptly in the chapel. While smart people prepare their notes prior to a speech, I would speak improvising in the air. I gave a look to the shrine and a supernatural happiness invaded me. I heard His voice again: "You are only an instrument. I will speak!"
I sat at the table. I did not dare to watch anyone; I only began to speak. I was like a musical instrument in the hands of my Lord Jesus; perhaps a violin, each sound, each word, all the agreed notes of the scale arrived on time in my soul. All this was the voice of Jesus. The small chapel of the convent became an ignited forest; everything was ignited and radiated a strange light. I became a vessel of sweet drink, and I was the first one to taste it, the first one to hear and to keep those words, the disciple, like the apostles in the sermon on the mount. I was absolutely sure that somebody was speaking in me of things that I never had thought of before.
What was Jesus speaking about? The gold of His words still shines in my soul. He spoke of the nuns, of those that want to leave the Order, of those that want to marry, of the dis- pleasure, disobedience, the lack of respect and obedience to the superiors, of criticism of His orders. He spoke of the disintegration process that is in almost all the convents. I was so full of joy that I could not even hear my own voice, and I did not feel my lips moving. It was not a talk that Jesus gave; it was supernatural music that flooded the small chapel, and all of us sang with Him. We were full of the joyful spirit of evangelical poverty, obedience and abstention. As Jesus spoke, I was disappearing completely.
I spoke nearly two hours. I did not close my mouth, not even for a moment. I was full of supernatural grace, and I did not know how I finished the talk. Later, I disappeared quickly, running up the stairs to my room. But the nuns followed me very fast, and they reached me. They were astonished about what I had said.
Later the superior informed me that many of those who wanted to leave the Order promised to be faithful to their vows. -
You see, Sister Natalia? - She said -. I was right in insisting that you speak to them.
I said that it was not I, but Jesus who spoke to them; that I myself had learned a lot, be- cause his voice was coming from me; I only heard his divine melody that still resonates in me: "Only my grace keeps you alive, my mercy lives in your heart". I remained in the light of His thoughts.
The words of Jesus were very consoling and beautiful, but I continued to be frightened and I said to him that I would have preferred to do any other work, even the lowest, rather than to give a speech. Then I heard the voice of Jesus again:
- I already said to you: Do not be afraid! I will speak! Tell mother superior that you are ready to give the speech.
I completely abandoned myself to Jesus and I arrived promptly in the chapel. While smart people prepare their notes prior to a speech, I would speak improvising in the air. I gave a look to the shrine and a supernatural happiness invaded me. I heard His voice again: "You are only an instrument. I will speak!"
I sat at the table. I did not dare to watch anyone; I only began to speak. I was like a musical instrument in the hands of my Lord Jesus; perhaps a violin, each sound, each word, all the agreed notes of the scale arrived on time in my soul. All this was the voice of Jesus. The small chapel of the convent became an ignited forest; everything was ignited and radiated a strange light. I became a vessel of sweet drink, and I was the first one to taste it, the first one to hear and to keep those words, the disciple, like the apostles in the sermon on the mount. I was absolutely sure that somebody was speaking in me of things that I never had thought of before.
What was Jesus speaking about? The gold of His words still shines in my soul. He spoke of the nuns, of those that want to leave the Order, of those that want to marry, of the dis- pleasure, disobedience, the lack of respect and obedience to the superiors, of criticism of His orders. He spoke of the disintegration process that is in almost all the convents. I was so full of joy that I could not even hear my own voice, and I did not feel my lips moving. It was not a talk that Jesus gave; it was supernatural music that flooded the small chapel, and all of us sang with Him. We were full of the joyful spirit of evangelical poverty, obedience and abstention. As Jesus spoke, I was disappearing completely.
I spoke nearly two hours. I did not close my mouth, not even for a moment. I was full of supernatural grace, and I did not know how I finished the talk. Later, I disappeared quickly, running up the stairs to my room. But the nuns followed me very fast, and they reached me. They were astonished about what I had said.
Later the superior informed me that many of those who wanted to leave the Order promised to be faithful to their vows. -
You see, Sister Natalia? - She said -. I was right in insisting that you speak to them.
I said that it was not I, but Jesus who spoke to them; that I myself had learned a lot, be- cause his voice was coming from me; I only heard his divine melody that still resonates in me: "Only my grace keeps you alive, my mercy lives in your heart". I remained in the light of His thoughts.
SOR MARÍA NATALIA MAGDOLNA
THE VICTORIOUS QUEEN OF THE WORLD
THE VICTORIOUS QUEEN OF THE WORLD